MIA

So sorry, to those of you who await my blog. So nice to hear that you missed me! I really don't have much excuse other than being out of whack. Next week is the last week of the term, and due to the sunny weather early in the term, I am so, so, SO behind. I have been spending my free time doing homework and trying to catch up. I'm normally a very good student, but this term, I have really slacked off. Paying for it now.

CONFESSIONS:
I have not worked out in 7 days. For those of you that know me, this is not normal. I had a little 2 mile jog and about 30 push ups on Monday, but I don't really count that. I think that says a lot about my stress level.

I have had giant plates of pasta twice. This is also something I don't do. Pasta is a major treat for me. I really try to stay away from empty carbs (other than vodka) because I have pretty sensitive blood sugar levels, and simple carbs really screw up my metabolism.

There are also a variety of chips, dips, cookies, couple gallons of wine, and other miscellaneous snacks. I think it's called stress eating? I can also tell you this:

I feel like crap. You are what you eat folks, and this last week, I have been a big ole' slab of fat. My acne woke up and is ruining my face, I constantly have a headache and yesterday I got a nasty case of food poisoning. But here's a thought: maybe it wasn't food poisoning from some food born illness. Maybe I poisoned my body with food that isn't good for me and it's paying me back.

I'm not the kind of person that is going to punish myself for this, and honestly, the way I feel is punishment enough. It's really time to do a clean sweep and take my own advice. 51% raw food (fruits and veggies) and no more empty carbohydrates. I know I will feel 100% better. One week off track doesn't define me, doesn't affect my physique that much. If I'm not mistaken, about 2 weeks with no activity will result in muscle loss. I will feel the break a bit in my cardiovascular work out, but nothing devastating. Anyway, I am going to the gym today after class (which I am currently in-so much for being a good student).

 These are my Brooks Ghost 5 trailrunners, these are the only shoes I can run in. I have some pronation problems and these give me all of the balance and support I need. I got the trailrunners, which are waterproofed. Essential in Oregon and with an adorable pup that loves to leap through puddles. He's so handsome.

 After our short little jog, I had a nice chat with Michelle on the phone. Steam cleaned my couch and then opened a bottle of Gnarlyhead Pinot Noir. Poured a glass and slapped a pretty green mask on my face.

Then E and I made this delicious pizza. I need to start making pizza crust and freezing it. We love to make our own pizzas with whole wheat crust and piles of veggies. I will do that soon and post my recipe, process, etc.

After we ate, got a text from my friend Mariah and we met up for a drink and some chats (and cajun tots, damn you Mcmenamins!). It was a nice night and I wore this outfit.

Michelle fondly dubs this the "pee pants pose." I am such a model. I got this top at the Nordstrom half-yearly sale. It's a Medium boyfriend fit, I like it. I tried belting it and surprisingly, both E and I preferred it without a belt.

I am currently working on a persuasive speech to encourage my classmates to choose clean eating. I have been learning an incredible amount about the benefits of eating clean. We're talking curing diseases and preventing cancer. It is extremely important research and I encourage all of you to invest some time into researching and understanding how our bodies function and also how the food industry functions. It has been speculated that if we continue on the path we are on, that the next generation will be the first one to have shorter lifespans than their parents. Not so progressive anymore. We have backslid into a huge economic and health crisis. We are eating our way to our eminent failure. I know that's a bold statement, but I firmly believe it. When it gets closer to speech time, I will give you a run down on what I will present. Hopefully you will find it interesting!

I cannot wait for this term to be over. Honestly, I don't even care what grades I get, as long as I pass. It just needs to be over, so that I can get myself back in order. I hate feeling this unorganized and stressed. Come summer, I will have all the time in the world to cook, clean, exercise, socialize and share it all with you. :)

Have a great day folks, hopefully I will be writing again soon!

Lazy weekend

Erika's birthday dinner was wonderful! The food was good, the conversation was better and I got many recommendations on places to eat in Portland. People ask me for recommendations all the time since I'm a bit of a foodie, but now I have many places to check out myself!

If you need any restaurant ideas, hit me up! I will help you out.

I had the clam linguine, it was in a light white wine sauce, and a few glasses of Italian wine. We went out afterwards and had a ball of a time. I hope she had as good of a time as we did.

On Friday, however, I was not so well. Need to be nicer to my liver. Friday was a  quiet day and mellow night. Just what I needed. I haven't worked out this weekend. Whoops! I will be back in the gym tomorrow. I think I need to start exploring how to schedule my weekends better so they are more productive.

Saturday I hit the mall with gal pal, Amy. We did some shopping, I tried on several swimsuits and settled on two from Victoria's Secret, but the sizes were limited, so I am going to order online. Pictures to come! I didn't hate bikini shopping, for the first time ever. It was nice. :) Amy and I went to lunch at Cheesecake Factory, we split a salad and an appetizer. It was lovely and I was not overstuffed. I'm excited to wear my new stuff! But really haven't been out of sweats much. My friend Rachel also gave me a pair of Citizen jeans that are a 29. I have been wearing a 29 in other brands, but I'm nervous to try them on. So I'm going to wait until I have a couple clean days, before trying them.

It was nice to have a couple really mellow days with E. I think it's really great when both of us can relax and just spend time with each other without obligations or stress getting in the way. I know that it's hard sometimes, but so important to a successful relationship, just to spend time with one another. Lately I have had several conversations with friends and family about the recipe for success in a relationship. I have come up with 3 conditions: fulfillment, self identity and respect. It is important to me, that I feel fulfilled in a relationship (I also think its important to separate happiness from fulfillment, because happiness can be fleeting), to not become so codependent that I lack my own identity and really, without respect, there is no relationship. I think that's what love means to me, as an adult. It's much different than my definition 10 years ago, but that's definitely a good thing. I'm so lucky to have the relationship that I do and am so excited to move forward with E.

This is us at Easter dinner 2013. Gorgeous day.

That's about all I've got to say at the moment. Catch ya later!

I like food, a lot

I'm a nerd and have been researching "how to be a good blogger." Don't laugh at me. One of the first tips is to not just talk about your day, to pick a subject, stick with it and don't confuse your readers. I know that my days aren't exactly riveting. Some of them are, but certainly not all. If I could do nothing but blog and live life, I would have 4 blogs. One for cooking, one for art (including hair), one for self improvement (physical and mental health) and one just for straight BS. I am more than one subject!!! So, I'm sorry if I'm too all over the place, lack consistency and/or lack consistently interesting subject matter. If this is the only area of my life that I'm arbitrary and directionless, I can handle it.

Today is my friend Erika's birthday. She's beautiful and funny and great. We're going out to dinner with her this evening around 8pm at a swanky Italian spot. I am trying to decide how well behaved I'm going to be. I WANT SO MUCH CREAMY PASTA IN MY BODY. I can't remember the last time I had pasta... March? It's a special occasion... so maybe I'll cram 2000 calories into my mouth tonight, but this gets me thinking about the times when we let ourselves "fall off the wagon."

I am a fantastic maintainer. I maintain my weight fantastically. I'm really proud of this. No shame about it. I know how frustrating yo-yo dieting can be, I've watched it take so many friends and family members on a nightmare emotional roller-coaster. When I committed to a healthier lifestyle I made a choice and when it comes to weight loss, this is the one thing I stand by: I only do things that I can maintain for the long haul. Maybe I will never be a size 4 because of this, but I could care less. I am healthy. I also dig french fries and fro-yo. So what? I might not be as committed as some who are losing rapidly, but I'm most definitely committed to my happiness and my balance. More power to the medifasters, advocarers, and jenny craigers. We are all different and need different things to keep motivated, but to survive in the real world? To keep the weight off after you've reached your goal? You're going to have to eat real food. I'm all about real food. I am pro-carb, pro-dessert, pro-wine and pro-dining out. I'm someone who believes in having it all, just not all at the same time and working your ass off in the gym (for me its trying to grow my booty... it's getting a little bigger!!!). I just want to live life. Not wait to live it until I hit the "right" weight to start living. Whew- that was a preach moment. But I'm passionate about it! I am not a yo-yo! I'm a woman, and I LIKE FOOD!

Today, I got an awesome work out. We did "super sets." These are shorter sets. 2 sets of between 8 and 10 reps, depending on how heavy it is. But, it should be HEAVY. I'm not a super experienced lifter and these were some of my numbers.

Leg press: 340lbs
Bench: 100lbs
Bicep curls: 20lb dumbells
Compound row: 120lbs
Lat pull down: 110lbs
Leg curls: 70lbs
Leg extensions: 70lbs

I also did weighted split squats, 25 minutes of high resistance cardio and abs. One of these days I will film some of the ab work outs I do. They are solid, always sore in the core. Ha!

It's just about time for class. But I will let you know how the dinner goes, in my post tomorrow. Have a nice evening all!

Hair day

This is just a little photo dump. I haven't been doing hair in a salon for almost 2 years now, but I still have some friends and family that seek me out. It's fun to do it and keeps me practicing. Today, we started at 2:00pm and did my roots, my sister got a cut, color and a few highlights and we did a blonde highlight with a violet ombré on my friend, Rachel. Also cut E's hair, but that's not so interesting. Just finished up with the last cut and styling around 7:30. Not too shabby! Here's some pics.

Mending bridges and other things

It's amazing how therapeutic this blogging thing is.

I think that we all have history that we're not proud of. There was a time in my not-so-distant past, that I am not proud of. Not because I was malicious, or cruel, just so erratic...lost, really.

I don't like to burn bridges. I think that there are seasons where separation is necessary, but I don't believe in enemies (other than the scale, but him and I will work it out). I actually hate the feeling of conflict. I hate when I cause other people pain and I despise the pain I feel when friendships fall apart. I have struggled with letting go of some people that I considered very close over the past 4 or so years.

Mistakes happen. People change. Death happens. People grow apart. But it hurts. There is no denying that I have not been the most incredible friend in the past. Now, I try to be. I misplaced some friends when we lost a person we all loved very much, in very different ways. I lost some others when I couldn't accept the reality that the man I thought was the love of my life, turned out not to be. Most recently the friendships that were severed, were due to choosing my needs over a friend's needs... I could make excuses all day for it, but that's really it at the root. I got back together with a boyfriend that I still had feelings for, even though 3 months prior... I broke his heart, badly. His (our) friends couldn't forgive me. I don't blame them. It was soon after the loss of my mom. I was grasping for straws, trying to keep the people that I loved so close, because I was so afraid. I held on too tight. I needed validation. I felt so alone. I went pretty crazy for a while. Some of my friends had to cut the tie with me because it was too difficult for them to be close. I feel so separated from this part of my life. I don't even recognize who I was.

In writing this blog and putting it out there for the world to see, I have reflected. The people from my past can choose whether or not to forgive me, reconnect or whatever, but I am open to mending the bridges. I guess what this is about, is forgiveness. Relationships aren't always easy. We are not always desirable. In that past couple of weeks, I have reconnected with some people that I wasn't sure I would ever speak to again. I couldn't be more thrilled. It feels good to be in a place where I feel confident and strong. I feel at peace (and a little hungry at the moment). I don't anticipate that these relationships can ever be exactly what they were in the past. What I do know, is that I loved each person for reasons that still stand, and the things that shouldn't have been said have no value. Today is a new day and the past is the history that made me who I am today. I like the me of today.

Moving on... Jacob and I are Beyoncé secured. Flights booked, tickets in hand. Just have to book the hotel! The concert is at the MGM Grand Arena, so we were thinking about staying at MGM. I've heard really good things about it. If you have anything to say about where we should stay, SPEAK UP! I'm really excited to get to Vegas and lay in the sun, go to the pool, eat good food. Gab with one of my very best friends and of course to see the PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME! I'm really hoping that she isn't pregnant (rumors swirling). I mean, GREAT! I would love for her to have more kids if she wants them, but in the middle of a world tour? Ugh.

I couldn't love her more.

Jacob and I, 2012

The Beyoncé trip also marks when Jacob will come live with me for 3 whole weeks! The sad part about that, is that it is his grand farewell. He's headed back to his homeland, New Zealand on July 22nd. Sad face. But we will have the summer of a lifetime! Happy face.

My little sister is coming over today, and I'm going to do her hair for her. She starts beauty school next week! Yay! Maybe I'll take some before and after pics for y'all. Aside from that today, I have a ton of homework, it's week 8. If you've been in college recently, you might know a thing or two about my state of being at the moment. Papers, speeches & exams... oh my!

For now, I should eat some lunch and maybe change out of my fleece leopard print footie pajamas.

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

So many days!

After that hectic Thursday, I decided to take it easy after class on Friday. Then I took it easy on Saturday, and again on Sunday. I got a solid work out in Sunday though! A friend of mine, Hollie, wanted to hang out and she suggested working out. So she got a pass to my gym and brought her juicer over, and made me a delicious vegetable and fruit juice. Juicing has never really been my thing, but I've dabbled. I only ever really loved one juice: carrot, orange and ginger. Which is like the ice cream of juicing. However it did noticeably help my vision! Anyway, after juicing, we went and did a pretty classic work out with Rachel.

Start with a warm up, 5 minutes of light cardio then go straight in to abdominals

• 90-second forward plank
• 60- second side planks
• 14 straight leg crunches (keep your feet 2-4 inches of the floor through the whole exercise and crunch up, and hold for at least 3 seconds, release and repeat!)
• 20 fast crunches
• 14 slow bicycle crunches 
• 20 fast crunches
• 90- second superman

Then hit the weights machines, 2 sets of 15 each

• lat pull downs
• tricep pulls
• weighted squats
• shoulder presses
• pec-fly
• adductors and abductors
• leg curls
• bicep curls

Finish off with cardio. 30 minutes high resistance elliptical and a 5 minute cool down on the treadmill, concluded with some yoga stretches.

After the work out, Hollie came over and we grilled some chicken and zucchini for lunch. It was light and hit the spot. Then the copious amount of wine started to flow.

My little sister is in a great band called Mount Joy. They are a Portland central, all girl, folk group and they're really good. Not just "I'm the big sister so you better like it, or else" way, but actually really talented. They write all of their own stuff and have a great sound. On Sunday night they had a launch party for their newly recorded album, I brought my friends Lance and Rachel along and I might have drank too much wine. I'm about 99% sure I drank too much wine, I'm sorry to any and all attendees that I might have spoken to after glass #4. There were some pictures. I was going to post them. Bad bad bad. Needless to say, Yesterday (Monday) I did not get much done. Here is a little linky-link, if you guys are interested in checking them out: Mount Joy. You will not regret it.

Lance, Rachel and I Laughing as usual. Only pic suitable for your viewing pleasure.

Mount Joy. Left to Right: Aubrey, Emily (lil sis), Leslie and Madi

 In other news: My book finally arrived! I've only just started reading it, but have a strong feeling it's going to be one I pass on to many of the beautiful women in my life. What I have gathered about the author so far: she was told by numerous psychological professionals, that living with Negative Body Obsession (NBO) is just life. It is the culture and society that we live in. But she wouldn't settle for that. She didn't believe that the 80-90% of women and rising number of men, should have to go through life hating parts of their physical appearance, or feeling like they are less worthy because of some percieved "flaw." I will give you a little quote, "There is nothing natural about

• a gnawing discontent with your physical appearance
• wanting to be somehow different so that you can feel beautiful, desirable and successful
• feeling dissatisfied every time you look in the mirror
• believing life would be better if you just weighed a little less or looked a little younger

On the contrary, what is natural is:

• The unshakable knowledge in your inherent beauty, goodness and strength
• experiencing yourself as inherently perfect
• experiencing the peace and bliss of your own being
• knowing you are absolutely lovable in this very momemt

So yes, NBO is "normal" and very common, but it is anything but natural." (Sarah Maria p.7)

 Excited to get more involved in it, hopefully its not too fluffy. But, I think I can handle a little hippy talk. Faux fur baby pink pillows, I cannot do. Nag champa, handle-able.

Today I had a very sweaty work out in weights. Michelle is challenging me every day to do better, just by doing well herself. She's got her mile down to a record low, so I had to make sure I could still beat her, 8:40 mile, folks. My lungs still hurt. I'm pathetic. My Aunt Tess just ran her first half marathon and we are all SO proud of her. She did an amazing job. Even though I'm kind of on a running hiatus, she encouraged me to consider a half coming up this August. Seriously considering it.

grossly sweaty and hawt

I always pack awesome food on school days (tues, thurs, and fri) but that doesn't keep me from going ham on the weekends. I try to be good, but it's like there is no bottom to my stomach on Saturday and Sunday. Here's an example of a "lunch" for me.

This one includes baby carrots (10), 1/2c raw zucchini, 1/2c persian cucumber, champagne mango (I cut off the two sides and just eat around the pit when I'm making my lunch. It's easy to eat this way, just scrape the food off with your teeth!), 2 tangelos, a salad of grilled chicken, quinoa, and 1c spinach with yumm sauce, 7 multigrain crackers and hummus and 2 little nut clusters for a sweet finish. I understand this is a lot of information on something that is not important or even interesting. Deal with it.

I had a nice weekend. Shut my brain off as often as possible. Enjoyed the company of a handful of friends. Had some solid philosophical conversations. Got a little sloppy. Loved E. I missed the blog though. I'll try to not be away for so long. Hope your weekend was great too. :)

What a life.

I am currently feeling extremely relaxed, maybe because of my song choice (playing on repeat),

For whatever reason, I'm really digging on this song right now, it just calms my mind. I might also feel relaxed from the killer work out I just subjected myself to, while I studied for my astronomy exam

Or maybe it's because I competed my speech and received a grade of 95/100, HOLLA! When I can upload the video of it, I will, for your viewing pleasure. I'm THAT proud of myself. :)

It might also be that my school hosted a health fair today, and I was able to get my vision, blood pressure and hearing checked FOR FREE! Which is awesome when you're like me and have no health insurance. I also was referred to OHSU for dental work. OHSU is a learning hospital/health facility, so they give you a discounted rate on dental work because the students are practicing on you. Heavily supervised of course. I need my wisdom teeth pulled, and surely need a filling or two. I wish dental work wasn't so damned expensive. I take good care of my teeth, but I know that deep cleanings and maintenance are VERY important. So, My vision was 20/15 on both eyes (awesome) my blood pressure was 113/65 (I think that's good?) and my hearing was perfect in both ears. I then went to test my body fat percentage with one of those machine deely-bops that you hold straight out, and that thing is WRONG. Just plain wrong. It's mostly dependent upon your height and weight and it put me at 29% body fat. There is no problem with this percentage necessarily, I just had a caliper done by a professional 7 weeks ago (before the heavy lifting) and had 24.7% body fat. So eff that noise.

I still have an astronomy exam that starts in about 25 minutes, so I should spend these last precious moments cramming as much information as possible... But I want to take a moment and thank my friends and family that have offered me feedback on my blog, I really appreciate it. Makes my heart smile knowing that people are enjoying it, because I am too! I also want to thank all of you that have been so supportive throughout.... my whole life. 

And just one more thing, I am a devoted Grey's Anatomy viewer. I know, embarrassing. The season finale is tonight. I am geeking out about it. Can't wait to pour a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with pup. :)

Casual today, top knot, wet hair. Clearly really trying today. Have a good evening! Love.

So much to do.

I have Mondays and Wednesdays off, so on these days I usually do homework, hang out with the puppy, do all the laundry and clean the house. Last night I went to bed in a cranky mood. My BFF, Jacob and I are going to see Beyoncé in Las Vegas at the end of June (be jealous). We debated whether or not to buy our flights 10 weeks in advance and decided to wait until 6 weeks out, for no better reason than I believed what I read on the internet (dumb). The tickets have nearly doubled in price in the last 3 weeks. Very irritating, but it will be such an awesome experience and we will have the time of our lives. Unfortunately my sour mood has carried over a bit, because I haven't been managing my time well.

Today I have TOO MUCH to do. I don't know if I will get through it all. So instead of going to the gym and spending 2 hours there I popped in this oldie but goodie:

It has been a couple years since I've even glanced at this one, but I remember it being really difficult. One of the nice things about Biggest Loser DVDs, is that they usually have 3 tiers. Meaning, you start out doing the warm up, work out 1 and cool down. Then as you progress you add on work outs 2 & 3. So, there is a little bit of variety and they actually are pretty challenging. I remember when I used to do this one, I would have to take breaks. Today I decided to dive in and do work outs 1&2. Not going to lie. Getting into the second work out was rough. Remember how I tried to kill Ty yesterday? Feeling it. My pecs are so sore, and this video has quite a few push ups. There were some girly push ups. I am not ashamed. :)

This is my breakfast... love my little pan, when I'm just making breakfast for myself.

So today, I need to prepare and practice a speech, only 5-7 min, but I really pushed it off until the last minute. Then I need study for an astronomy exam. Give my high maintenance dog a bath. Clean the house and do all the laundry. I have 5 sports bras. They are all dirty. Moral of the story: I need to do laundry more often.

I don't think I'll have time to post again today, so I hope you all have a nice day. I have to get serious now... not exactly excited about it.

The enemy: the scale

Michelle from Shape up, or Ship out., challenged me to a month without the scale. I reluctantly agreed. The scale is both the best friend and the enemy of a person who is recovering from disordered eating. I want to be clear that I no longer am actively bulimic and I haven't been for quite some time, but just like any other addict, I will be recovering for the rest of my life. The hardest part of overcoming it, is getting out of my head and realizing that the number on the scale, or the amount of calories I ate today do not define me, nor do they define my beauty or value. Committing to letting go of my scale was both terrifying and liberating. I had E hide the one at home (somewhere where I can't reach, I'm sure, because I'm 5'2" and he's 6'2") and I avoided the ones at the gyms. For whatever reason, I decided to weigh myself today. Michelle cheated way earlier though!!! I don't know what possessed me to weigh. It was in the middle of the day, Aunt Flo's in town and I had just eaten. Needless to say, I was up 2 lbs. If you're curious, my current weight (as of today) is 155lbs. I have a goal weight of 140lbs, but I am taking my sweet time to achieve it. My high weight was 192lbs. I am not so consumed with reaching my goal weight as I am consumed with not gaining. I take a lot of pride in the fact that I haven't gained my weight back. There have been fluctuations, sure, but in general, I have just been losing at a very moderate pace for 3 years.

Some days, that's REALLY frustrating. I have spent the last 3 years fighting with my urge to step on the scale multiple times a day. The scale has completely owned me. If my number was up, I would work out harder, I would eat less, and feel like a failure. If it was down? I would feel like I could eat more than 1300 cal that day and be in a great mood. I thought about that number constantly. It's embarrassing to type this out, knowing that people will read it, but I think it's important. I think that many women struggle with disordered eating and obsession with weight, but it doesn't get discussed unless you are an extreme: severely anorexic, bulimic, or obese. American culture grooms us to have eating disorders. We are bombarded with some plastic kind of beauty and feel like it's what we have to be, and if we can't be, we're not good enough. We are all so different. There has been a big push for a broader definition of beauty, and incorporating different body types in the media. That's all great, but it isn't that simple. We have been taught these things (not so subtly) since childhood. Unfortunately, it is such a personal battle. I wasn't thin when I was bulimic. I was miserable. I don't want to feel shame about who I am or what I have struggled with. You shouldn't either. The only way for me to get to the point that I can truly love my body, is if I stop punishing it and myself. You deserve the same. I will not be a swimsuit model. I will never be taller and I will never (healthily) weigh 110 lbs, but I have to learn that I don't need to be. Maybe someday I won't even want to be.  I know all the right things to say, but that's God's honest truth. I'm not there yet. I will be, because I want it. I want to be free of this. It gets better every day. I'm excited for it. I'm actually awaiting a book that I ordered on Amazon called "Love Your Body, Love Your Life". I've heard really amazing things about it and can't wait to crack it open. I will let you know how it goes.

In other news. One of my classmates at school is starting her journey to health and her and I had some time to talk today. It's really nice to be able to motivate people to chose health and happiness. I'm really excited for her and can't wait to see her progress. Since she is currently not very active, I directed her to the app MyFitnessPal (great, when you're starting out) and the Couch to 5k program. I really hope that she is able to accomplish her goals. I told her "This is the first day of your new life, it's exciting!" It can seem so daunting to take on losing weight. It is at first, but then you have your new active lifestyle... and everything is just better. There is no way around that.

Anyway, today was a lifting day. I still got in 30 minutes of cardio, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are my heavy lifting days. My work out buddy, Ty, accused me of trying to kill her today... but she told me what trouble spots she wanted to focus on... so I focused on them! We're going to be very sore tomorrow. Sore is good!

I gotta eat my lunch, but here's me today! I am wearing my only pair of jeans, I'm more of a skirt gal, but these jeans are fab and really help with my "flat-ass problems." Also my fave watch by Michael Kors ( LOVE Michael Kors). Keeping it casual today.

I really hope I'm not being too serious for you. I thought I would be a lot more funny, but I'm just not. I'm way funnier in person, I swear.

Hope you're having a good day!

Just another Monday

Got a solid work out in today! Felt good, because I did, indeed, eat ice cream for breakfast yesterday. I also didn't work out, not even a little bit. We all need our rest! Yesterday was my sabbath. :)

So today, for my work out, I went to the gym. I work out at 24 Hour Fitness close by. They actually have REALLY reasonable prices these days and all the classes are included, so if you need a gym, I really have no qualms with 24. I go to the weight room first and foremost, because I know if I burn out on cardio, I won't lift. I also have learned that I burn more fat if I lift first. Can't tell you exactly why, but I could do some research and let you know next time.

So in the weights room I started with 40 push-ups. 40 "boy" push-ups. I really encourage all women to take up doing push ups the hard way. I know it sucks at first, and you might not even be able to do 5 at first, but you build it up and it feels real good to bust out 40 push ups (it's also a free boob lift). Then I did some weighted squats, I put 95# on my shoulders and did 3 sets of 10. After that, I hit the adducter and abductor machines (both at 130#) and did 3 sets of 10- I have really noticed a difference in my physique with these. I know a lot of women covet the "leg gap" and these machines really help it out (along with good old lunges). Then I did some leg curls to strengthen my hamstrings. I think strengthening your hammys is SUPER important. Especially if you're doing a lot of cardio. Your hamstring is a real pain to injure. Literally PAINFUL, and it limits your abilities to do anything that gets your heart rate up. After that I shifted to upper body, did some lateral pull-downs (90#), shoulder presses and some biceps curls. Finished up my strength training with some straight legged slow-mo crunches, bicycles and a 90 second plank. I then hit the elliptical, where I did 55 minutes on a full body interval with a low resistance of 6 and a high of 15.

Been loving this album, all the time, but I listen to it when working out too, fave song "Same Love":

After I stretched (please don't skip stretching... like ever) I took this gem:

 

Lookin' good, red as a ripe tomato and soaked in sweat that surely had a ripeness of it's own

I wanted to post a photo of how well I clean up, but this is the best I got, and my dogs expression is worth a thousand words.

After my work out I went to Costco and Trader Joe's to pick up some essentials, and also some luxuries. Here are two of my guilty pleasures that MUST be portioned, or else I might eat the whole bag.

Now, I'm sitting and hanging out, thinking about some neglected homework. Not thinking to much about it, clearly. Just poured a glass of a favorite wine and threw together an appetizer (thanks to Costco and Trader Joe's, all I did was put it on a plate and some capers on top) for us and our lovely friends that are coming over for a little bite and to play some cards.

Smoked salmon, smoked salmon dip, multigrain crackers, brioche, and capers

14 Hands Red Blend, nice with a nice price point

 I hope your night is as relaxing as mine. Much love!

The thing about Mother's day

I don't think that it's necessary to go into much detail about my mom's passing. It's not enjoyable to do so either. To put it simply, my mom passed unexpectedly in 2008, this closely followed my dad's passing in 2004. There are days when I feel robbed. Days when I don't get out of bed, eat ice cream for breakfast and cry because my future husband can't know where I came from and my child will never know their grandparents, but any more depth into this is reserved for another post, because there is no reason to add insult to injury on Mother's day. I miss my parents, sure, but I don't feel like crying today. I want to talk about something else.

I was a difficult child, to say the least. I was very emotional and insecure, but I was also smart and intuitive. I picked up on every little thing, asked a lot of questions, pushed people's buttons for fun. You can ask my sisters, I was not an easy sibling, certainly not an easy daughter. I was a normal kid until I hit about 8 years old and then due to some familial stress that I happened to pick up on, I gained 80 lbs in a year. I was well over 120lbs as a 3rd grader. I never fit into "tween" clothes, I went straight from a little kid, to having to wear clothing that were 10-12 in women's sizes. It was HARD, to say the very least. My mom was like most women, she constantly struggled with her weight. When I got so big, my parents were very concerned, but childhood obesity wasn't as common back then and the they had 3 other kids and other issues to deal with. It mattered to them, but it's a very delicate balance. How do you tell your kid that she's fat? How do you help her, without completely destroying her confidence? My parents did everything to subtly encourage me to lose weight, but every subtle comment felt like a dagger. Felt like I wasn't good enough. It felt like no one wanted me.

Mom struggled with insecurity and really wanted us to grow up without a weight problem, so maybe we would be better off. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out that way. When Mom & Dad got married, she was young and a perfect 6/8. But she had 4 daughters, and we are no more than 2 years apart. I can't imagine what that feels like. Not having time to think about yourself, not having time to love yourself. She gained a lot of weight, and as a family we adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. But really, to me, it's not about the weight. My mom felt badly about herself. She felt unattractive. Even as a young girl, I understood this. It made me sad. It still makes me sad. I would be lying if I said that my mother's weight struggle doesn't affect the way I deal with my own. I do know this though: my mom wanted more for me. She wanted better. She loved us so much that she wanted so desperately for us to have it better than she did, avoid her mistakes etc.

This is one of the many things I think about, as I reflect on my weight loss and my lifestyle. I want to be confident and feel strong and beautiful. The important word is feel. My mom was very strong, and very beautiful, but she didn't realize it until later in life. If I am ever blessed with a daughter, I want to be aware of my worth, so I can teach my child what it is to treat her body well and carry herself with confidence and self love.

Now that I have typed all of this, I guess I want exactly what mom wanted. Hopefully I can succeed.

I should take a moment and talk about all of the great things about her, because she had so many amazing qualities and I'm proud to be like her. My mom was a hostess with the mostest. She threw a great party and even though we had a tight budget and couldn't do all the things we wanted, she made our home comfortable and stylish. Giving birth to 4 children is really enough, but then she bathed, clothed and made sure we didn't kill each other too. She worked dead end jobs so we could play sports and we could go to summer camp. She was quick witted, funny, open minded and loving. Oh, so loving. When my dad passed, she survived. She didn't curl up in a ball and shut out the world. She succeeded. She often set herself aside to make sure we were happy. She was my best friend. She loved me when I was undesirable, she was patient with me when I was out of control, she laughed with me when it may have seemed inappropriate, she cried with me when I was hurting and stood up for me when no one else would.

My mom was not perfect and my time with her was too short, but I am so grateful to have had her at all. I am still learning from her... I would give up almost anything to hear her laugh again.

2006

2007

Happy Mother's day, to all of you mothers. You are more precious than you can ever know.

Let there be salads.

After leaving you earlier today, I took the puppy on a quick 1.5 mile walk and hit the elliptical for a very sweaty 30 minutes. If you are a fellow elliptical-er, some tips: BUMP UP the resistance! You can take it, I promise. The benefits of intensifying your work out are limitless. Another thing, rather than doing a manual work out (adjusting the crossramp and resistance manually) choose an INTERVAL track. This will improve your stamina and endurance. Plus, more calories burned. All good things.

My work out is a little light today because on Thursday I did a "Mag 7" circuit work out and not only are my inner thighs in so much pain I hesitate to use the restroom,  I also hurt my elbow a teeny bit doing too many tricep dips. I am taking it easy for the next day or two. That's my rule of thumb, if something hurts real bad, leave it for 3 days to recoup. Usually I am back in business by the third day.

This was my fuel for work out this morning, along with 24 oz water:

Over easy fried egg, cinnamon raisin Ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain bread, and a Pink Lady apple. If you are an egg lover like me and you like a nice yolk to dip your toast in (even cinnamon raisin, so good (you're welcome Michelle)) the trick is very LOW heat and oiling your pan. I like to use coconut oil. I'm sure you've heard about coconut oil as the newest "healthiest fat" but it really does have some honest to goodness health benefits, it's flavorless, heats well and can be used for so many other things. If you're interested in learning more about it, here's a good link coconutoil.com

Puppy and I getting ready for a stroll

Now for the more fun stuff: cooking! I am always trying to find ways to dress up some really healthy ingredients and today we are doing a quinoa salad and a whole grain Mediterranean pasta salad. I am so sorry if you don't live in a place where you have access to Yumm sauce, because I'm going to use it in one of the recipes, because it's just so delicious. This being my first entry about cooking, I feel like it is taking an eternity! I will get the hang of it. Let's start with the Mediterranean:
Ingredients:

• precooked whole wheat penne or rotini (make sure it's whole wheat, sometimes they trick you with some 51% whole wheat crap)
• Balsamic vinegar
• Fresh basil
• Fresh mozzarella (I got the "cherry tomato style", just little cheese balls)
•  Whatever goodness you prefer from the olive bar, if your grocery store doesn't have an olive bar, you can buy these things jarred. I used:  sun dried tomatoes, roasted garlic and a little olive tapenade
• Plain Greek yogurt
• Fresh tomato
• Red onion
• Spinach

First off, I want to show you how to cut an onion, because so many people don't know how to do it this super easy way.

I use my favorite knife, 7" Santoku, don't be afraid of big blades! Just takes some practice.

First, slice of the top, and set it flat and slice in half from the root. Then peel off the outer layer and toss.

Then slice it on a radius, but don't cut all the way to the root end! Keep it intact.

Then slice it as big as you'd like the dice to be. Voila! perfect dice!

If you are planning to eat red onion raw, soaking them in ice water for at least 30 minutes takes away some of the intensity/spiciness.

 Then take the fresh basil, stack it and roll it.
(I'm aware that this looks like a basil blunt)

Slice thinly.

 Then I large diced a tomato, and there's the cheese I used

 Put indredients in a bowl with pre-cooked and cooled pasta, add olive bar ingredients, greek yogurt, a generous drizzle of balsamic and stir. Salt and pepper (S&P) to taste. This salad can be served as it is, or you can do what I do. Upon serving I throw in a bag of baby spinach.

This is Yumm sauce, if you haven't tried using it at home, you should!

Yumm salad with quinoa:

• precooked and cooled quinoa (I keep cooked quinoa in the fridge at all times-quick and high in protein)
• Zucchini
• Cucumber
• Tomato
• Bell pepper
• Dill
• Plain Greek Yogurt
• Yumm sauce

Large dice of zucchini, cucumber and tomato, and chopped dill. (FYI: DILL IS A WONDERFUL HERB THAT DOESN'T GET ENOUGH CREDIT. It's not just for fish and tzaziki. I love to put it in salads and on my fried eggs while they're in the pan. SO good.)

Toss all ingredients together and add 1/2 c. Yumm sauce and 1/2 c. Greek yogurt. S & P to taste. This salad is the same as the Meditteranean one for me, I prefer it with red leaf lettuce or baby spinach, but can be eaten as is. It's also great with bell pepper too!

 I really love quinoa. Like I mentioned, I keep some in the fridge at all times and throw together salads like this on a nearly daily basis. Whatever vegetables you have on hand and a favorite dressing. E & I grill year round, so I always make extra of whatever meat we're grilling (usually chicken, salmon or NY strip) so that I can use that in salads for a day or two. I don't do well with a plain old iceberg salad, so this gives me variety and all the protein I need.

It's time for bed, but the BBQ was really lovely, as are my sisters. I will leave you with that.

I hope this finds you well. Goodnight.

Beaching, BBQing and Ellipticalling?

Today is going to be a good day. I woke up around 8:00am, took the pup outside, made a cup of English tea (Love to my friend, Ruth, who showed me that English is the only way to go) and started sorting out my day. My lovely man friend, we'll call him "E", is an incredible volleyball player (and pool player and wake boarder and teacher and inventor and friend). In the summer time, our days are spent at various parks and beaches with sand volleyball courts where he can play. Sounds like I'm along for the ride, but usually I bring a fab pal and a cooler stocked with my light and refreshing cocktail (vodka, soda and lime) to wherever we go. Last weekend it was my friend Lance, it was TOO MUCH FUN. So much, JT, so much gabbing, so many laughs. Any way I'm digressing, but lets keep on that path, so I can avoid my work out and show some pictures of E.

He can fly! Volleyball at the park April 2013.

Me & E, March 2013

Too cute not to show, Lance and I, May 2013

 

I have a feeling this blog will be very photo heavy, hopefully that's a non issue. If it's an issue, kindly abandon ship. :)

So, about today... E will be waking up any moment and will want to go to the beach for as long as he can to play ball, only problem being that we are supposed to be at my sister Erin's (shout out! HOLLA!) at 5:30ish to BBQ. This is only a problem because her place is about and 1 hour and 45 min south of the beach... makes for a short day trip. But he will wake up and surely persuade me (what is it about men getting excited and giddy that makes women crumble? I don't know, I'll let you know when I figure it out). We went yesterday after class until 7ish and then had a mellow night out on the deck playing cards with a couple we love. It was a beautiful day. Today, I should do some homework before hauling down south (possible? probable?).

Tonight we are BBQing steaks, crab legs and marinated vegetables (YUM, fam eats well) and I am bringing some salads, crusty bread and of course, wine. It will be a great time to hang out with my sisters (all 3 of them) and a a very precious friend of mine, that I haven't seen since Autumn. For now, I need to eat and do some cardio, I'll be back with some yummy summer salad ideas!

Kisses!