Fat girl feelings

Lately, I just haven't felt like it.

You know how sometimes you just fall of the wagon? I had always been good about finding a balance and making sure I don't deprive myself, but I am just eating whatever I want and not thinking about it. Luckily I have a no weigh policy, but I can see my body changing and I'm not super keen on it. I'm thinking it may me time to return to MyFitnessPal to get my self back in order.

It's a constant battle. Fighting off fat girl feelings. It's like everything is going along fine and I'm feeling good and BAM! Depressed. I don't see in the mirror what all of you see. So I am constantly evaluating my sense of self. Constantly working toward self-awareness.

Just have to keep reminding myself that it's not a big deal. I will get back on track and have been thinking lately, it might be getting time to get serious and kick those last 12 lbs to the curb. I've been hanging out about this weight for a year and it's great to maintain, but it's just time. I will let you know when that fun process starts.

On the topic of eating nothing and working out a lot, I made awesome dinner last night.

Rachel's Chicken Korma

2 chicken breast (cut to 1 inch cubes)
1 jar Curry simmer sauce (I got mine at Trader Joe's)
1/2 onion (large dice)
2 peaches (large dice)
1 tomato   (large dice)
1/2 c raisins
1/2 c raw cashews
1/4 c cashew butter
1 T coconut oil
1 can low fat coconut milk
Curry powder
Garam Masala
Salt and pepper (I used cayenne)

1. Put chicken pieces and raisins in a bowl and season with curry powder, garam masala, salt and pepper. Set aside.
2. Heat coconut oil in pan, add onion and cashews. Sauté until onions are golden and cashews are roasted.
3. Add chicken and raisins, brown at med-high heat.
4. Add curry sauce, coconut milk and cashew butter. Simmer for 10 minutes.
5. Add peaches and tomatoes, simmer for 5 ore minutes and serve.

I served mine with faux tzaziki (greek yogurt with cucumber, no herbs), mango chutney, cous cous and naan, and I want more in my belly already. It's not often that I am wiling to openly brag about about meals, but I REALLY enjoyed this, as did E and our guest, Erika. I know there are a lot of obscure ingredients in there, but the spices are great to have around, I always cook with coconut oil and cashew butter is so tasty, expensive, but worth it.

Today, I pick up Bernita, go to Les Schwab and get her tires and brakes checked. Then I hang the key off to E and let him do his thang. Starting to feel real now, that things are going to be taken care of soon and some financial freedom is around the corner = iphone 5 and a trip to the dentist! I never thought I could look forward to the dentist this much, and I won't like it once I see the bill, but I'm ready to start the process.

Bulimics avoid the dentist like the plague. I am no longer bulimic, but I was for many years. I never saw a dentist. I take care of my teeth now, but I know that 6+ years without a cleaning is not a good thing, especially since my wisdom teeth are still in there and screwing everything up. I'm embarrassed that I've been so reckless about my teeth, I will pay for it now.

It's feeling an awful lot like a clean slate in my life right now. It's a good feeling.

E and I are going to Seaside, OR next Thursday for a couple of nights. He's playing in the volleyball tournament and I'm tagging along. I was going to take puppy, because our hotel is pet friendly, but I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him in the hotel room alone when we go out to dinner and such. Anyone want to puppy sit??? :)

Summer is good.