Yeah yeah yeah, I'm an inconsistent blogger.

I'm always assuming that I have more time to complete tasks, arrive places, get ready etc, than I do in reality. Meaning, I'm always rushed, late, or not following up with things that I truly intend to. I have poor time management. All of the people close to me and my family, know this trait. In fact, E adds about 25 minutes to any of my time estimates and always tells me we need to leave 15 minutes earlier than we actually do so we aren't late. It's unnecessary stress, but I'm accustomed to picking up gifts on the way to the party, wrapping them in the car and showing up 45 minutes late. I get it from my mother.

I try to cram a 15 things in a space of time that I can really only complete 5. Sometimes I can push hard and make it happen. I think subconsciously, I see it as a challenge. If I aim to finish an obscene amount of tasks in a short period of time, but still manage to get close to that goal, I feel accomplished. I don't like to waste time when there are things to be done. This is why people ask me to help them pack and clean their houses/apartments when they're moving out, I get things done. Not always perfectly, but good enough and FAST.

The point of this is: I thought I would be a consistent blogger because it's summer and I have more time. The reality is: I don't. Or I'm not managing it properly. Do they offer time management courses in college? I should do that if they do...

School registration is in 16 days. I still have not taken my math placement exam. I started studying today and have found that I have almost completely forgotten everything. I started with pre-algebra study questions and had to ask for help on #1 and #2 and #3.... and so on. Luckily, E is a math genius and is so patiently walking me through it all. I had to be reminded of that acronym Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally? Yeah, I didn't remember that shit. So, I'm studying and I need to take the test by next week.

On the topic of my stupid effing car:

I hate Bernita. I hate her so much. I also have found a new and interesting source of complete and utter debilitating anxiety. Selling things. I simply can't do it. It's not because I'm lazy, or shy, or anything like that, but I swear I have developed ulcers through this process. I have cried after each customer has left (not purchasing) because I am embarrassed and felt so stressed by the presence of these strangers that I am supposed to persuade to buy something that I DON'T BELIEVE IN. If I was a better liar or faker maybe I could do it, but I am so NOT ok with selling something that I stand firmly against. Even though it's just a car, it's just a food cart, but I resent them so wholly that I would rather drive them off a cliff than wish them on someone else.

E and I have faced some conflict based upon these 2 items, and yesterday it came to a head. I have been wanting to replace my iPhone since it was stolen in Vegas a month ago, but I am on the brink of buying a brand new car. I sat down with him and said simply "You know how badly I want to buy the iPhone 5, I need you to either talk me out of it or tell me that you won't judge me." He responded with something along the lines of, "You can't have it all, Baby." Then as the conversation moved forward, her revealed to me that the reason why we aren't engaged is because my expenses over the last 3 months have completely drained the "ring fund." I cried. I cried a lot. I'm riding the crimson wave pretty hard at this point, but emotions heightened or what have you, that makes me sad.

So he said out loud what I have known all along, "when something doesn't go the way you want it to, you ditch it and go in another direction." It's the truth about my character up until this point. I give up and turn away from things that make me feel inferior, rather than facing and overcoming them. He opened this up and I melted down. There is that resounding feeling of failure. He went on to talk about how I was young when I made these investments and everyone does stupid shit when they're young and blah-dee-dah, but that it's time for me to buck up and deal with it. When I told him I didn't know if I could physically handle the anxiety, he and I made an agreement that he will take on the responsibility of selling my items if he gets paid by the hour for his work. I don't know if I have ever been more relieved in my entire life. Right now the car is in the shop for final repairs, then he will sell it privately and sell the food cart, and then I will have the money to pay off all of my debt, reimburse E for all of his hard work, buy a new car and have some cash left over.

It will be a huge weight off of both of our shoulders.

By the way. I know what car I want, I test drove it. It's awesome and beautiful and incredible and I love it. It turned out to be the 2014 Mazda CX-5 Touring edition in Meteor grey mica.

The running:
I blew off a couple runs last week, but kicked it right back into gear.

I did a 2 mile with Amy on the waterfront in Portland on Friday, that was fun. We ran decent, I don't remember the actual speed... something like 11 minutes per mile. Bear in mind that I was hungover. I don't feel badly about that speed, because we followed up our run by like a million  6-7 miles of walking downtown.

On Saturday there were all kinds of social events. Baby party, My sister, Erin's, Birthday BBQ. Both parties were a success. There was a lot of eating. About 50 desserts and a tummy ache. But only one glass of sangria and no cigarettes. I was in fine form, and should have been itching to run the next day, but I wasn't. So I didn't

But on Monday I did by 40 minute easy run and was a complete success!

Check out that time BRO! I did that on the waterfront as well and it was a great run, felt that awesome runner's high after.

Today I did my 2 miler with the dog, which always makes me slow, he drags, but it was alright. I did some hills today also.

In conclusion:

I am so incredibly lucky to have a patient, loving and problem solving man to call my partner.
I'm becoming a better runner.
I'm excited to get back into school and a routine, where I will consistently blog.
I'm working on being more patient and to face my demons.
Poodles, pancakes, friends and the mailman.