It's just a bad, inconsiderate idea. (To be clear, am the inconsiderate one).
I know I've blogged about this before and I'm doing it again. I am so SICK, of thinking about my weight. My god, I am not a number on the scale. I am not defined by it, but these days it sure feels like it.
It's like I'm having a scale relapse. I do well for a while and stay away from it, or weigh myself once a week, then bam! I'm back at it. Every. Damn. Day. I weigh myself and eat according to the number and wait until I get a number I like (ahem, 152), then I celebrate by living like a normal person again and watch the number climb back to 155.
I'm so tired of looking at 155. It makes me feel so discouraged. I don't feel like I'm that weight. In reality, I feel pretty good. I feel 10 lbs lighter than that. I also feel like I should be 10 lbs lighter.
BUT, I think about what I would have to do to get those last 10 lbs off of me and I sound like a big baby, but I just don't want to.
I already work out 6 days a week, I practice eating in moderation and cook healthy meals. I am a healthy person. I don't want to have to eliminate things that I enjoy. More power to the people who have made health and fitness their lives, i think that's great, but it just isn't me. I don't even want it to be me.
I want to feel good, look good, and be good. I don't want to run a marathon, compete in a fitness competition or climb Mount Everest. I just want to be a better version of myself, every day.
I know these things in my heart, but I so easily get distracted by fluctuations and obsessed with the number. It's no way to live.
So this was my confession, I am having a scale relapse and it's time to move on. The scale is going away. So I can remember why I live healthfully. So I can learn to love myself the way that I am. 155 or otherwise.
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